Spiritual Friendships

Dear God,
I am so grateful for my spiritual friendships!
True friends reflect back to me the quality of my heart when I am unable to see it within myself.
They encourage me to grow beyond my present life situation.
That is why I cultivate spiritual friendships, both present and new ones!
Thank You, God, for friends who love and support my soul!
Amen

My friend Linda Schlachter shared this prayer/meditation with me following a gathering that celebrated her 69th birthday. It seems the older we get, the more we value the kind of friends who see past the surface of the lives we’ve created, to acknowledge the spiritual gifts we bring. Spiritual friends will not only affirm who we really are, they’ll remind us when we forget. Of course it takes someone who has done a fair amount of spiritual “work” within themselves to be able to do that. You’re never going to see the quality of my heart if you don’t see the quality of your own, and anyone who has engaged in any kind of soul searching understands how challenging that can be. Getting beyond our ego perspective is the hard part, because we just can’t see our own blind spots. That’s why it is critical to have women in our lives who are willing to have the tough conversation - women who are willing to become vulnerable and reveal their truth, so that we might see our own. Those are the kinds of women I want to surround myself with. 

Spiritual Women Have Critical Conversations
Last month at Elizabeth’s House we invited women to participate in a Critical Conversation. Participants asked women in the group to share personal stories about their lives, and it affirmed what we already know – when women are willing to make themselves vulnerable and tell the truth about their lives, they can serve one another in profound ways. There is healing in the knowledge we are not alone, no matter what our secret might be.

Think about the kinds of conversations you engage in on a regular basis with other women. What (or who) do you talk about? Do your conversations leave you feeling uplifted or down? Just notice. After the surface stuff like acknowledging the cute hair, the new shoes, or the beautiful outfit, do you have anything else you would like to say? Not every conversation has to be deep or thought-provoking, but they can be intentional. Getting beyond the surface to connect from the heart might just require an intention on your part.

Spiritual Women are Intentional
Intention is often confused with goals. Goals are something you want to accomplish, intention describes how you want to get it. If you find yourself wanting to have more meaningful conversations with your friends set an intention to bring meaning to them. What would you really like to talk about? Can you ask for what you need? Can you be vulnerable in the relationship? Can you share from your own heart to engage another? 
Spiritual Women are Good Listeners
The thing I appreciate the most about my spiritual friends is their ability to listen. What a gift to have someone who will simply listen while we unload the important details of our lives. Here are other qualities great listeners share:

• Great listeners aren’t interrupting you to make a point. They don’t talk over you to share their story before you’re finished with yours
• Great listeners don’t offer feedback unless they’re asked. They have no desire to fix you because they don’t see you as broken
• Great listeners gift you with quiet listening so that you can hear yourself think

Consider the relationships you have with other women. Are they good listeners? Are you? Can you make yourself vulnerable with them to have critical conversations? Do they feel safe enough to have them with you? Spiritual friendships add depth to our lives and they are possible if we are willing to be that kind of woman first. Can other women call you a spiritual friend? Do you have spiritual friends? If not, what do you need?
Peace and gratitude to the women courageous enough to walk this path. I honor you all.
Beth