One of the things I enjoy about my work is receiving seemingly random phone calls from women exploring endless topics of interest. Recently I got one of those calls from a woman who is considering changing her name. Up to that point in our conversation she had not identified herself and so I had to ask “what is your name?” After a slight hesitation she replied “my name is Mary.” Since I’m especially fond of the name Mary I’m curious as to why she wants to change it and of course, I ask. I found her answer intriguing. Mary is divorced and doesn’t want to keep the name of her ex-husband. Mary also believes you shouldn’t have to keep a name someone else gave you, especially if you feel those people could have done a better job of not only naming you, but raising you, so she’s not interested in taking back her maiden name. Just the idea of the legal hoops she would have to jump through has her looking for other options. According to Mary one of her possibilities is to choose a nickname she loves and leave the last name alone. OK, that would work. Especially if you shift your perspective to focus on who you are on the inside, regardless of what you’re called on the outside. But Mary has me thinking. What is really in a name? Do I “like” my name? Does my last name bring me pride or something else? Do I feel I have to offer an explanation if my last name differs from one or more of my children? How do women who keep their maiden names after marriage handle questions? If I decided to change my name what would I choose? Oh the possibilities!
Meanwhile, I have to thank Mary for inspiring me to return to blogging. I’m a woman who’s made a career out of helping others reinvent themselves and last November I got really tired. I stopped blogging among other things. After giving myself the sabbatical I needed I’m renewed and ready for more. I’m also reminded of how much women need to have these kinds of conversations. Too often we isolate ourselves when we’re in a transition or wanting one. Women need a safe space to explore their ideas and figure out what’s next. I created Elizabeth’s House for that very reason. But if you don’t have an Elizabeth’s House nearby, use this blog for conversation or start your own. I don’t know if I will ever meet Mary in person, but thank you for reminding me that it’s time to share conversations Mary, if that’s your “real” name J
